No. I
Gray T-Shirt
$24.00A shirt. It is grey.
Woven, we are assured, of cotton. It fits in the manner of shirts. Launderable, and inclined to shrink a touch.
Provenance: somewhereAcquire
Est. recently · Maison of the middle
Every day should feel this fine.
Purveyors of thoroughly average goods for the discerning-enough. No mission. No heritage to speak of. We have always been fine, and we intend to remain so.
· Perfectly Fine ·
The Standard
- Customer rating
- 3.0 / 5.0
- Percentile
- 50th
- Comportment
- Fine
The Collection · Six Articles
Objects of modest distinction.
Each article performs one duty, acceptably. Photography forthcoming, eventually.
No. II
Contains Beverage
$16.00A vessel of ceramic.
It holds approximately one beverage, in the manner of vessels. A handle is provided for the holding.
Capacity: oneAcquire
No. III
Size: Probably
$44.00A hooded garment.
Of moderate warmth. It shall fit most persons, statistically. A pocket at the front accommodates the hands, or nothing.
Warmth: moderateAcquire
No. IV
Bag for Things
$18.00A canvas tote.
For the conveyance of one's things, up to a reasonable weight. It opens at the top, as bags tend to.
Bearing: adequateAcquire
No. V
Head Unit
$22.00A cap for the head.
It obscures a portion of the sun, as caps do. An adjustable strap accommodates heads of near-average circumference.
Fit: adjustable-ishAcquire
No. VI
A Sticker
$4.00An adhesive of vinyl.
It affixes to flat surfaces — laptops, bottles, and the like. Results, as ever, may vary.
Adhesion: acceptableAcquire
From the membership · Avg. 3.0
Notes of measured approval.
★★★☆☆
“Perfectly acceptable. One does not complain. One simply moves along.”
★★★☆☆
“It arrived in a box. The box, too, was of a fine and forgettable character.”
★★★☆☆
“I had expected the middle, and the middle is precisely what I received.”
★★★☆☆
“One star withheld out of habit. The other three, freely given.”
Our Heritage
We have always aimed for themiddle.
There is no founder's tale. No atelier in the mountains. No grandmother, no recipe, no reluctant genius. We simply make fine things, finely priced, for people who are also fine. We have been average since recently, and we should like to remain so — with your permission, and even without it.
Members only, technically
The Average Club.
Membership is complimentary, automatic, and confers nothing. You are already a member. Congratulations, sort of.
Terms of Membership
- Membership
- Complimentary & automatic
- Enrolment
- You are already in
- Privileges
- Confers nothing
- Card
- Should we ever print one
Correspondence
We would rather you didn't.
Every house of standing keeps a mailing list; so, reluctantly, do we. We shall write rarely, and about nothing. Your inbox is better left undisturbed. But the box is here, should you insist.